POETSMART™

• Quieting extreme barkers: Some poets love the sound of their own voice! We’ll save your relationship with the neighbours by subjecting your poet to particularly humbling workshops. Poet will learn to shut up and take critique.
We are confident that by the end of Level 2, your poet’s innate wildness will be tamed into orderly forms. Particularly talented and ambitious poets may want to proceed to:

level 3: career poets
That’s right, some poets actually have jobs! We offer group training and personal lessons tailored to the specific demands of various poetic occupations. Some of the jobs our special courses address are:
Show Poets: Those who are all style and no substance are great candidates.
Wilderness Rescue: Poet will learn to dig victims out from under an avalanche of pure-driven nature poetry. We train your little saint to chip away tirelessly at pathetic fallacy and share her whisky.
Sniffer Poets: If your poet can’t stop sniffing other poets’ assonance, why not train him to nose out marijuana, cocaine, opiates, and lsd, no matter how well-hidden on anyone’s person or in their belongings. Also known as Beat poets.
Comfort Poets: For good-natured poets willing to perform in hospitals and rest homes. Not for the mangy or sullen, this is an ideal occupation for poets who don’t mind a little heavy petting.
Hunting Poets: If you like to shoot off your mouth, they’ll go and fetch you some dead metaphors.
Seeing Eye Poets: For true visionary poets only.
Visit a poetsmart store today! Don’t forget to pick up treats, toys, and a cozy poet bed—poets need lots of attention and some can sleep for up to twenty-two hours a day!