Closet Obsessions

Clutterers Anonymous attempts to address “the deep emptiness we feel inside—the emptiness we compulsively try to fill by clinging to useless objects, non-productive ideas, meaningless activities, and unsatisfying relationships.” Like Alcoholics Anonymous, the granddaddy of all support groups, CA offers affirmations: “I affirm abundance and prosperity, thus I release the need to hoard . . . . I allocate space and time for anything new I bring into my life or home.” The Clutterless Recovery Groups offer inspirational promises: “We will accept the unlimited good that flows into our lives as we make room for it by eliminating clutter. . . . We will no longer live in a fog of mental confusion.”

Messies Anonymous offers Messietalk, a message board for advice and encouragement. (One hoarder, complaining that her boyfriend just drops his clothes where he stands, receives the adorably optimistic recommendation that she give him “a pretty wicker basket” for his laundry.) There are places for “mates of messies” to vent, groups for single messies, messy moms, messy teachers, and those interested in Bible-based neatening (Faith-in-Organizing-Action).

The unasked question of this self-help movement is at what point a recovering messie becomes a potential “uptightie.” The next step for the organization trend is to recognize the problems not of indiscriminate accumulators and slovenly housekeepers, but of people who are hooked on the hard, ruthless joy of de-junking. We need Over-organized Anonymous, with a whole new creed. It’s not hard to imagine what it would be: We affirm that we will stop using Rubbermaid holdalls to box up our anxieties and fears. We will stop believing that our ironclad control of the laundry-room cupboard has spiritual dimensions. We will recognize that while the glossy layouts in organizing magazines are empty of mess, they are also empty of people, pets, and piles of good books. We will “give ourselves permission” to hang on to our Joan Jett T-shirt from eighth grade. We will stop using the verb “containerize.” And we will admit that it is time to bring our obsession with organization out of the closet. ~