[Richie’s eyes bug out in thought.] “To...hover”
“That’s right! Our job is to hover and to crawl.”
[The crowd whistles and makes circular hovering gestures with their legs.]
“I know you’ve been waiting all day for the trivia quiz, and here’s a little teaser: I’m looking for a line from an Alanis Morissette song. It’s supposed to be ironic: That would be...”
“A blackfly in your Chardonnay!”
“You got it. It’s like ray-ee-ain on your wedding day Alanis, that is not ironic, that is just an unfortunate turn of events—even an insect knows that.
“Hey, the Nunavut Giganteums are with us, over there, and I see the Labrador blackflies have just arrived—welcome to Ontario, you crazy bugs. I hear you’re brutal even in July. You know how one canoeist described the Labrador blackflies—he called you “vicious, carnivorous, little flying piranhas!’ My question to him: Do you need to canoe in Labrador Are you Jacques Cartier
“But seriously—it’s great to have so many larvae with us today. Moms, we’ve set up a flume ride for them over in the corner. You little guys are one of the most efficient filter feeders in the water world, did you know that You get 800,000, a million larvae in a fast-running river, all feeding on microscopic organic matter, and they turn into a great little food factory for everybody else in the water. Did you know that the fecal pellets of blackfly larvae retain 80 percent of their nutritional value [Whistles and cheers.] People think our whole thing is biting and bloodfeeding...”
“And hovering!”
“And hovering. But the fact is that were a major player in the ecosystem—because wherever you find blackflies, you’ve found clean running water. Humans are finally starting to recognize this, and I’m happy to say that we have one of them here with us today. Can you stand up, Professor Doug Currie. [A lone human in a bug hat and hazard suit, engulfed in a black cloud of flies, stands up.] Professor Currie has devoted his professional life to the study of blackflieshes one of the world authorities on us—and he is of the opinion that we get a bad rap. Mr. Currie is curator of entomology with the Royal Ontario Museum’s Department of Natural History, a professor in the Department of Zoology at the University of Toronto, and he has published numerous articles on us. Come on up here, Doug.” [He steps out of his suit and goes on stage wearing only a bug hat. The microphone feeds back a little. He is nervous.]
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