Veils for Western Women

In the wake of the Birkinah, other forms of protective covering for the Western woman have become popular:

the niqkebab

A body covering for the active woman, this is an extreme high-top sneaker that extends up to the eyes, with a 146-hole lacing. The unusual feature of this garment is that while women wearing it can walk, run, and use the Stairmaster comfortably, they cannot speak clearly or carry things. “I love wearing the Niqkebab,” says Ellen Rosenquist. “It solves the whole issue of boot-cut versus flared jeans. The only drawback is not being able to hold or bathe my child.”

The Niqkebab has been traced back to the first woman’s running shoe, invented in northern California, when women banded together in a communal effort to lose weight. They stripped tree bark from large sequoia trees, lined it with spongy moss, laced the objects to their feet, and discovered that they could run long distances in this marvellous new footgear. The word “marathon” may have derived from the term “mere-a-thong,” which also came into use at that time.

the spraysakka or “golden veil”

This is not, strictly speaking, an item of clothing. Followers of this Western body-worshipping sect gather in a kind of mosque known as a “tanning salon,” where they submit to ritual immersion in a reddish-brown pigment that is sprayed under high pressure over the entire body. When the spraying is completed, the woman looks like a piece of fruit leather, and only the eyes and hair are left unveiled. This curious devotion to the carcinogenic “golden body” principle is thought to have arisen shortly after the first waves of European settlers arrived on the coast of Florida and discovered orange juice.

lululemabab

This Western “active wear” with strong links to Eastern religions is worn by urban women who gather in “gyms” to practise yoga or Pilates. Their rituals are often accompanied by recorded chants or music involving Andean pipes. The coverings are monochromatic, highly pliable, and must not be buttoned. Lululem is thought to be the name of a Hawaiian god famous for his flexibility; some gyms display icons of Lululem in a backbend with all his toes in his mouth. Women wearing this garb often carry rolled-up rubber mats on which they kneel during their prayer sessions.

the blahnikador

This body covering has polarized women attempting to balance their fashion sense with their mobility, while still maintaining their traditional worship of footwear — a trait shared by women of all sects in the West.

Also known as the “full-body stiletto,” the Blahnikador is an ornate, metre-high, two-legged pedestal, with an open-toe design. This places the woman on a hijanah, or “hopping platform.” Women living on this admittedly stunning platform must nevertheless hoist themselves forward in a lurching gait that has been tagged “nik-nakking.” Critics say the Blahnikador, like the stiletto heel, cruelly limits freedom of movement, but many women defend its use. “We choose the Blahnikador,” they say, “because it fosters privacy, and brings us closer to Heaven.”

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