Nation Proliferation

Thus: “Be it resolved that the Québécois are a nation within a disunited Canada; that the Atlantic provinces, being no longer contiguous with the rest of Canada, are now free to do as they please (we can be very helpful to others); that the federal government is an existential construct, a being for nothingness, but useful as a cash register; that Ottawa extend billions annually to sovereign Quebec, preferably in large sacks of $20 bills, for easy distribution; and, finally, that it be constitutionally recognized that separateness is etched in our dna, as are bad manners, hissy fits, greed, and other deadly sins.” Being reasonable, it was so resolved.

Thus: “Be it resolved that the aboriginal peoples of Canada are constitutionally recognized as a founding nation and a third order of government, are dirt poor and deserve compensation immediately, and are justifiably mad as hell at all other orders of government for high crimes and misdemeanours.” Being reasonable, it was so resolved.

Thus: “Be it resolved that I, Ed Stelmach, the new premier of the province of Alberta, being a reasonable man in unreasonable times, quite admire this nation-within-a-nation thing that Quebec has and which the aboriginals will surely soon have, and that Alberta will be demanding the same (once someone somewhere tells me exactly what we are talking about); be it further resolved that the government of Alberta Nation believes in not governing — that is, our nation will be unique, and therefore will be justified in receiving nation status and all the extant powers that this entails, by virtue of the fact that it will never, under any circumstances, involve itself in, slow down, or regulate the economy.” The sentiment of the times being live free (from responsibility, from giving) or die, it was so resolved.

Back at the Rose Donut shop, the clock struck nine, and at that precise and precipitous moment a town crier stormed in brandishing copies of the Declaration of Independence, Hamlet, and Being and Nothingness. “This room is filled with the state’s non-being,” shouted the cloaked figure, before dispensing his texts to the collected few. “Your masters are playing games of chance and semantics. At first glance they appear harmless, but they are not. You must fight back or you too will become disassembled. First, you must become one, and then you must become none.”

Short hours later, emerging from the fog of abstractions, the newly formed Rose Collective issued the following resolution: “We may look like a Bantustan, but we are a republic with the powers of direct taxation (no taxation without representation), with our own militia (to guard us from distant, aloof, and acquisitive foreign governments), and laws allowing our citizens to shoot stray dogs (in case the food runs out). We adopt these measures with some reluctance. Given that Canada has been sold, bartered away, and no longer exists in any meaningful sense, what choice did we have?”