From: Patrick [pat@heaven.org]
To: God [ourfather@heaven.org]
Cc: [allsaints@heaven.org]
Subject: March 17
>>>>>
>>>>>Dear God,
>>>>>
>>>>>My day, March 17th, is upon us once again, and
>>>>>once again I have only one question: how did my
>>>>>banishing all snakes from Ireland and, among
>>>>>other things, enduring six years in captivity as
>>>>>well as hearing the word of the Almighty, turn
>>>>>into one night of binge drinking by people with
>>>>>last names such as Lapano and Kowalski who
>>>>>finish the evening projectile-vomiting green-
>>>>>coloured lager? As I recall, when the day was
>>>>>first discussed, we talked about a literary theme
>>>>>(Ireland produces a lot of writers) or maybe an
>>>>>environmental motif. What did I do to deserve
>>>>>this?
>>>>>
>>>>>P.


From: God [ourfather@heaven.org]
To: Patrick [pat@heaven.org]
Cc: [allsaints@heaven.org]
Subject: Re: March 17
>>>>
>>>>Dear Patrick,
>>>>
>>>>I hear you, but what can I say? It’s called “Free
>>>>Will.” If I made everyone do everything I wanted,
>>>>they would never learn how to do it themselves.
>>>>Re our initial discussions: I remind you that
>>>>when you chose March 17 (the date of your
>>>>departure from the mortal world), I said it
>>>>would be a hard one to pull off. The weather is
>>>>too unpredictable, for starters. Also, it comes a
>>>>little quick after Val’s day. Speaking of which, a bit
>>>>of innovation can go a long way. Val tapped into
>>>>that whole mass-production-of-paper thing, and
>>>>it worked out very well for him. As for Nick, he
>>>>goes out the entire night and gives presents to
>>>>every kid in the world. If I recall last March 17,
>>>> you were home watching the Lakers.
>>>>
>>>>Best
>>>>G-Man