An Open Letter to 0.7%

The number 7 does have some pedigree, so it’s not necessarily the fault of your digits. Nobody has your digits, and I mean that. The trick is to fall on the good side of the marketing equation. Here, you can minimize aligning yourself with, for instance, deadly sins and years it takes to itch, and, at all costs, avoid the dwarf debacle (although Snow White and the 0.7 Dwarves does have a kind of morbid appeal). Instead, to promote you we’ll be leaning more toward wonders of the ancient world, magnificent cowboys, handy convenience stores, and possibly even ambiguous-tasting lemony-limey soft drinks.

What does 007 bring to mind? Lovely ladies and gunplay, that’s what. And 0.7%? Combined with the acronym gdp, with its slight urological overtones? I’m thinking hiv pandemics and abject poverty. Depressing. Maybe instead of being “licensed to kill,” we can position you as being “licensed to save”? Whatever. Clearly, we have to work on it.

I think our best bet might be live performance—something along the lines of Dancing with the Stars, with lots of glitter and skin—in which you compete with some highly visible celebrities looking to add the Third World to their resumés. The idea is 0.7% as the misfit decimal, the little engine that could, just like Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls. We’re gonna make them love you!

Thoughts?

Best,
Bernie Gottfried
Fractional Talent
Los Angeles