(When I’m wearing headphones, my lover’s voice comes into my consciousness in stereo. Her soft sound surrounds me. I see her image on my laptop screen. The video allows me to detect certain details in her face that you wouldn’t be able to pick up on the phone. A particular glance denotes a bad day, a poor night’s sleep, something on her mind.)
Me: Yeah.
She: You missed a spot.
There is something old-fashioned and romantic about this new connection. With couples who have just met, there is an undercurrent of lost courting rituals: people are forced to talk and get to know each other without immediately jumping in the sack. Skype also creates an intimacy of focus that’s missing in a café or bar. The Skyper is forced to look at his partner, undistracted (unless he’s busy surfing the Net), and to listen closely to her words; it could be argued that this form of long-distance connection is more intense than face-to-face conversation. Tyee Bridge, a Vancouver writer who used Skype to speak to his partner every day during a month-long separation, concurs: “[Because Skype has] a bit of a delay . . . [it] makes you talk more deliberately, and not respond so quickly to what the other person is saying.” Skype encourages us to be present, to get to know each other, and become close through conversation. As a Skype forum member writes, “Technology doesn’t just speed up information, it speeds up love!”
But accelerated love still presents a problem: as the mind races forward to embrace a lover, the body is left behind. The closer you get on Skype, the more you miss the feel of someone’s skin, their weight beside you in bed. So near, so in your ear, yet so far away. It can be incredibly frustrating. Several months into our physical separation, my girlfriend and I found ourselves joking that we were not having a relationship with each other but with our computers (sometimes I actually kissed my screen and hugged my keyboard).
At other times, I found myself emotionally confused. First, there was the issue of what to talk about. Speaking long distance by phone doesn’t present this problem, because it costs money. So when you’ve run out of things to say, you don’t just breathe into the receiver, you say goodbye and hang up. But because Skype is free, and if my partner is available and so am I, the logic goes, we should be talking . . . and talking . . . Isn’t that what a relationship is about &mdash communication?
Zoe Hart, a mountain guide based in Chamonix, France, who is more on the road than at home, spoke to me about overusing Skype. “Skype makes people think they’re not actually away from their partners,” she said on her way to a climb in Alaska. “People Skype each other every day and think they’re still together. Reality becomes confused. You do not accept that you’re in a long-distance relationship.”
I know what she means. Even when there is nothing to say, I find it difficult to say goodbye.
She: I need to get going.
Me: Now?
She: I have to get ready for work.
Comments (6 comments)
Megan Shank: My partner of six years and I have been geographically separated by the Pacific Ocean for the past two years due to our employment/academic situations and find Skype to be a great comfort.
Garfinkel's piece profoundly resonates with me, and I laughed out loud several times while reading it. He's truly on to something with the Scrabulous-Skype activity.
The increase of couples choosing to go the distance will undoubtedly become a greater market that companies seek to capitalize on. For example, researchers at MIT's Media Lab are developing Wifi Wine Glasses that light up when your better half takes a sip. Pair it with a Hug Shirt, a Bluetooth accessory for Java-enabled mobile phones, which uses smart technology pads to send hugs internationally via SMS.
First wine, then hugs? Sounds like it might lead to Skype sex that makes your partner's pixelated pupils pop. July 01, 2008 21:02 EST
Anonymous: thanks July 05, 2008 12:44 EST
eclecto: I confess, for years I've clung to a luddite's wariness of any suggested benefits of virtual communication. Lately I've started to shift. But this articles kicked me forward a few stages. Better, more considered communication through Skype? Wow, that's paradigm shifting - and I think I aggree with the new reality. Not as a replacement for embodied relationships, but as a very beneficial alternative when the need arises. Must muse on this further. July 29, 2008 15:13 EST
Anonymous: just up for playful fun. August 15, 2008 20:06 EST
Anonymous:
share our story:
A insomnia frog:A insomnia frog
December 31, 2008 02:06 ESTA Joyful party:A Joyful party
Bear in eggs:Bear in eggs
Big alligator:Big alligator
Birds and bear:Birds and bear
Carving and desert:Carving and desert
Chickens and ducks:Chickens and ducks
Clever crow:Clever crow
Crystal ball's dream:Crystal ball's dream
Hungry fox:Hungry fox
Mom's birthday:Mom's birthday
Only one goal:Only one goal
Piglets temper:Piglets temper
Small white and black pig:Small white and black pig
The camel is angry:The camel is angry
The old dog:The old dog
The poor and the rich:The poor and the rich
Broken dreams:Broken dreams
The little princess:The little princess
Dance bear:Dance bear
spring:spring
The little princess:The little princess
Three rats:Three rats
A selfish giant:A selfish giant
Anonymous:
What do you
have in your closet?
How long ago
was it when shoes were just footwear? You threw them on to go play out in the
back yard, or down on the playground. Today, however, having a pair of sneakers
has taken on a whole new meaning, especially when dealing with sports shoes.
What has really made the sneaker culture huge is the sport shoe industry, with
Nike and Adidas pulling up the front. These sports icons have been worn and
styled by not only top athletes, but by people in the music industry.
They say that it was the Nike Dunk
that started it all off. In 1985, Nike brought out the
Nike Dunk.
Originally these sneakers meant for the college community of basketball
players. Instead, this style of sports shoes started the sneaker sub-culture.
Although this style of sneaker was designed to be used during high intensity
basketball games, the spotlight quickly turned to the fashion of wearing them,
what they looked like, and which ones you owned. Twenty years later, Nike has
brought the Nike Dunk back on
the courts with all its retro style and performance.
But why stop
with basketball shoes? In 2000, Nike decided to jump into the skateboarding
scene with the new Nike Skateboarding product line.
With
Nike SB has come the
Nike Dunk SB. For years, before
skateboarding came out from the underground scene, skateboarders utilized the
rugged design of basketball shoes. Nike decided to capitalize on what Vans and
DC shoes had been monopolizing for years, and take what was already an amazing
sneaker, and fit it into the needs of skateboarders. What the
Nike Dunk
SB brought in the way of performance was extra-padded tongue and their
patented Zoom Air insole. In the way of style, this sneaker has already come out
with six series, and names for them like Grip, Forbes, and Vipers.
Another blast
from the past would be the Nike Air
Force 1. These sneakers first came out in the early 80’s. And like the
hip hop culture, their popularity grew. However, this band did not reach their
full fashion peek until 2002 when Nelly released the song “Air
Force Ones”.
The other major
sports shoe brand is the Adicolor
Shoes, an Adidas Original. The design became so popular because the
plain white canvas was adaptable by painting, drawing, and spraying on your own
personal design, and even accessories were sold to help you in your creativity.
In 2006 they pushed the envelope further with a new color series using artists
and designers from all over the world.
Another huge sneaker that was popular with the hip hop world was the
Adidas Superstar. A very raw
and controversial Hip Hop group that helped skyrocket the
Adidas
Superstar to stardom was Run-D.M.C. This cutting edge group was known for
wearing their Superstars out on stage, and even wrote a song dedicated to them
called “My Adidas”. Whether its Nike or Adidas, clean out that closet, dust off
your old sneakers, and get into the game.
December 31, 2008 02:11 EST