Great Smackdowns in Canadian Political History II
January 17th, 2008 by Jeremy Keehn in The Bironist
Hello one and all. The Bironist is back, and will hopefully become more frequent soon. My extended absences are not, as with other bloggers, a matter of laziness or indifference—simply an extension of my bironic mystique. Have I been galavanting about the world, romancing lasses and enjoying fine scotch? You can’t know, unless you click on the footnote.1
One of the writing projects I have on the go at the moment involves reading a fair bit of prime ministerial history.2 The real pleasure of doing this kind of reading lies not only in revisiting the narrative of the country, but some of the little nuggets of tension and trivia that emerge thanks to the diligent research and lively humour writers such as Donald Creighton and Richard Gwyn bring to the task.
I highlighted Sir John A. Macdonald’s set-to with Oliver Mowat, as described by Creighton, in an earlier post. Gwyn, in his recently released Macdonald bio, at one point offers a list of epithets commonly used on the floor of the parliament of the province of Canada. Political life in this country would be much more interesting, in my opinion, if we could hear the following selections in the House today:
Harper [to Peter MacKay]: How dare you start a breakaway party of moderate Tories! Cur! Blackguard! Infamous traitor!
Dion [to Helena Guergis]: First your party accuses me of wanting to cut and run in Afghanistan. Then you reveal my whereabouts while touring there. It is you who are the poltroon, madam!
Unfortunately, unless some sort of Eminem figure emerges from St. John’s East, rap battling House opponents back to their constituency offices, we’re unlikely to see anyone match George Brown’s nineteenth-century diss of Sir John A as a “grimalkin, crouched at the door of the pantry, watching for mice to come in and out.” Grimalkin!
Another choice aside in Gwyn’s book is possibly the best politician nickname of all-time, “The Ram of Cumberland,” Sir Charles Tupper. The Nova Scotia physician, one of the Fathers of Confederation and prime minister for three shagtastic months in 1896, was apparently something of a ladies’ man.3
Today’s token blogger self-love: Sometimes I dream of rap battling Jason Kenney to tears. I won’t give away my choicest cuts, but let’s just say the man will be advised to vacate the floor of the House and head to a certain restaurant chain known for its all-day breakfasts.
Next, on the Bironist: Choice balls from Dief’s insult cannon.
Footnotes
1 No. I have been sitting on my futon, reading self-help books surrounded by used tissues and six—or is it seven?—cats.
2By a fair bit, I mean I’m nearing 4,000 pages. If anyone can track down Sir Charles Tupper’s sex diaries, I’m willing to add to that number.
3Suggested nicknames for current politicians: “The Ram of Edmonton-Sherwood Park,” Ken Epp; “The Sage of Boutros Boutros Ghali,” Michael Ignatieff; “The Future Wife of Jeremy Keehn,” Ruby Dhalla.
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Posted on Thursday, January 17th, 2008 at 2:30 pm. Follow comments through the RSS 2.0 feed. Comment or trackback.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Do you mean Denny’s?
January 17th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
There was also an old film about the Ram of Cumberland, called “Charles Tupper: The Big Man”; from the glory days when the National Film Board was not afraid of a little double entendre.