Los Angeles, CA—It was a terrible weekend. Paris’s movie The Hottie and the Nottie tanked.

I can barely type. The humanity!

To top it off, Yahoo shot down Microsoft and is now entertaining an AOL merger. Even worse, although I’m in California’s Web 2.0 heartland, I am staying far from Google HQ. Rather I’m on Gayley Avenue, better known as UCLA’s Frat Row.

Paris’s pain is especially palpable here in Westwood, a stone’s throw from her papparazzo-infested stomping grounds of Kitson (Paris’ shoes debut there this week) and The Ivy. (Damn it Paris, please stop trying to do actual stuff.)

But being here, soaked in regional Web 2.0 inspiration, I’ve been able to cook up some antidote for last weekend’s poison:

Web 2.0 Remedies February 20.08:

“Paris Succeeds in Monetizing Twitter”/em>

If it is good enough for Pepsi and Coke and well, every other product, why has 2.0 shunned celeb endorsement? Sure Shatner did a stint on Priceline, but please. No way to monetize Twitter? How about paying Paris for what she does best: being herself. I’d dole out a subscription to her feed, but not for the faker Paris Hilton currently on Twitter spewing the most vile information on earth: old gossip. I want a real, actual Perez Hilton cumdrool-worthy passenger seat to Paris’ life. My fiancé is willing to pay for Trent Reznor. I bet everyone has their own desired fake-celeb friendships. Hell, if you bundled Paris with Brangelina I might pay into double digits.

“Online Dating Niche Marketing Takes Off”

Jdate and Deafs.com would have nothing on the edgy and profitable DateRaprs.com. Frustrated frat boys can stop getting burned. No more dating girls who rat them out to the cops and ending up running up their parents’ lawyer bills. Visiting your girlfriend on another campus but have a free night? Users on DateRaprs share names, ratings and numbers of girls who are easy to threaten into silence and/or of unremarkable socioeconomic status so the police won’t believe them when they cry “rape!”

“After Receiving and Turning Down Yet Another Bid, Yahoo Launches Yahoobay�?

The headline says it all. If Microsoft et al can take a shot at it, why shouldn’t we all?

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Posted on Tuesday, February 12th, 2008 at 12:16 pm. Follow comments through the RSS 2.0 feed. Comment or trackback.