PARIS—Well, I guess they can’t all be Ali-Frazier III.
On Sunday, we saw the Thrilla in Geneva. Last night’s Germany-Austria game was more like Tyson-McNeeley. Yawn.
I will say this about the Austrians: they held their own in the scoreless first half. The Germans had some dynamite opportunities to put the game away early, but Austria fed off the Viennese crowd and actually had some chances of their own.
But a familiar problem continued to afflict the Austrians: namely, a lack of finishing. Erwin “Jimmy” Hoffer, especially, found himself in several good shooting positions but sorely lacked a world-class touch. And when Michael Ballack’s rocket of a free kick blistered the twine early in the second half (our first free kick goal of the tourney. What took you people so long?), it was all but over for the Austrians, who now needed to score twice to go through. Not gonna happen.
The Germans closed ranks to preserve the 1-0 lead and the second half was dull beyond belief. From what I’ve read this morning, things weren’t much better between Croatia and Poland, who also put together a 1-0 snorefest. The lowest scoring, least interesting day to date. Who said to tune in for a possible classic on Monday night? Oh, right. My bad.
Fortunately, I see no way tonight’s games could be anything but tense and fraught with drama. The Italians and the French face off in one Group C final, with at least one and possibly both of the ’06 World Cup finalists heading home at the end of the day. Romania—don’t forget about them—can punch their ticket for a quarterfinal matchup with Spain by defeating the Dutch, which has looked nearly impossible so far (although Marco van Basten will be trotting out several reserves, the Dutch having already clinched the top spot in the group).
I am wearing my #9 Benzema jersey as I type, and will be patrolling the streets of Paris until the 20:45 local-time kickoff, since this might be the last chance to wear the jersey un-ironically for a couple months at least, if the French bow out against the hated Italians. French coach Raymond Domenech has hinted that, after watching the entirety of the France-Netherlands match from the bench, the superstar-in-the-making Benzema will be in the starting lineup tonight. Grounding Karim was just one of the many questionable moves that Domenech’s made in this tournament, and the French footballing media (and public) are assembling a stockpile of pitchforks and torches to greet him on his return to the capital should the French fail to advance to the knockout stage (they need a victory over the Italians AND a tie or a loss by the Romanians).
Tonight’s watering hole: The Wall bar in Contrescarpe, where I witnessed a sublime Benzema goal against Man U in the Champions League back in February. Here’s hoping history doesn’t repeat itself, though—Lyon finished in a tie that night, and such a result would probably send both the French and Italians home. But at least we’d take the Green, White, Red, and Dives with us.
Monday recap
Results: Germany 1-0 Austria; Croatia 1-0 Poland
Top player: Ugh. Let’s give this one to Ballack. I can’t remember anyone else having a particularly notable night on the pitch. If a drunken Austrian fan had run onto the pitch at any point, he (or especially she) would have been a shoo-in.
Best goal: That would be the rocket fired home by Herr Ballack just after halftime, a free kick from twenty-five yards that didn’t curve around the wall so much as blast past it and into the top right corner. Austrian keeper Jurgen “Don’t Say My Name Like It’s From a Village People Song” Macho dared Ballack to pick his spot, and unfortunately for the Austrians, the ball reached the corner before Macho did.
In-game beverages: Chamomile tea, NyQuil, a glass of warm milk, liquid ketamine. Hemlock. Snoooooore.
Tonight’s games
Kids, listen up and listen good: drinking and gambling are both wrong. But sometimes daddies need to do a bit of both, to make sports a little more interesting. Do you see what daddy means? Don’t worry, you’ll understand when you’re older.
So let’s make this interesting. The Walrus’s web editor, Pat Tanzola, is an Azzurri man. He’ll also be in Paris next month. And he’s been taunting me, in the lead-up to France-Italy, with emails featuring such lines as “Forza Italia” and “sharpen your headbutts, mon frère.”
Here’s the wager, Pat: if the French win, you buy us a bottle of Chianti in Paris, and we drink. If the Italians win, I buy a bottle of Bordeaux, and we drink.
And if the two teams draw? Well, we go Dutch and drink whatever the hell it is they drink in Romania. With me?
Predictions: Netherlands 2-0 Romania; France 3-1 Italy [Fact-check reveals this as unrealistic given France's inability to score in the first round of major tournaments. More like 0-2? -Ed. P.S. You're on!]
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