PARIS—So what the hell am I supposed to do with myself tonight?

For the first time in 17 days, this evening’s slate of high-drama international football matches is empty. I’ve really enjoyed the last two-and-a-half weeks for not having to decide what to do to entertain myself on a given evening. The answer was automatic: I’ll watch the Euro.

Now? I don’t know, maybe I’ll go for a bike ride, or plant a tree, or hug a homeless man. What is it that people do to fill the hours of the day when they’re not watching football? Sometimes I feel like I just wasn’t made for these times.

And then there are times like this weekend, with three dramatic-in-their-own-unique-ways Euro quarterfinals. Without wasting any more of our collectively precious time (ahem, Italy and Spain, ahem), the weekend that was:

Friday

Result: Turkey 1-1 Croatia; Turkey wins 3-1 on penalties

What we learned: Croatia learned the same painful lesson that the Czechs and Swiss did before them. Namely, don’t score first against the Turks. Because when the Turks fall behind, it makes them angry. And you wouldn’t like the Turks when they’re angry.

The cardiac kids (or kardiyak çocuklar) from Turkey will now face Germany in the semifinals. German coach Joachim Löw would be wise to acknowledge the lessons of history here: let the Turks score first. Sure, it hasn’t happened yet in this tournament, so we have no idea what would happen should such a radical scenario come to pass. But we do know what happened in the four games in which Turkey’s opponent scored first: three victories for Turkey, and one loss. Those who ignore the lessons of history…

Top Player: The first 119 minutes of this match were pretty grim, if I’m being honest. Luka Modric set up the Croatian goal in extra time with a cross from the touch line, but he missed the net on his penalty. Let’s give the award to veteran backup keeper Rustu Recber, whose recklessness led to the Croatian goal but who played beyond his abilities all night, setting up the tying goal and saving one in penalties.

Best Goal: The equivalent of a Hail Mary pass in football, Turkey’s equalizer in injury time of extra time spelled the end for the Croats, even before the shootout made it official. Rustu’s free kick from just inside the Turkish half traveled to the top of the Croatian box, where it was deflected and then sent into the top corner by Semih Senturk. Nobody – the Croats, the commentators, and especially me – could believe it. A shocking end to a deadly dull game. And everybody in the world knew there was no was the Croatians were winning that shootout after Semih’s Hail Mary.

In-game beverages consumed: Les Piliers de Maison Blanche (2005 Montagne Saint-Emilion red); Domaine Prieur-Brunet Santenay (2004 Burgundy red)

Saturday

Result: Russia 3-1 Netherlands a.e.t.

What we learned: I’ll admit it, I’ve been wrong far more often than I’ve been right in this tournament. France over Croatia in the final? Whoops.

But I’ve been on this Russian side for three games now, and with knockout forward Andrei Arshavin back in the lineup after serving a suspension, the Russians have a real shot at winning this tournament. Nobody’s sleeping on the Russians now, especially not the Dutch fans who saw countryman Guus Hiddink’s side dismantle the Oranje with speed, finesse and expert finishing (my favourite player of the tournament, Roman Pavlyuchenko, opened the scoring with a pure one-touch shot into the bottom left corner).

We also learned that in contrast to the true Dutch master on the Russian sideline, Holland’s Marco van Basten really bungled this one. True, he didn’t have Arjen Robben at his disposal, but the one-dimensionality of the Dutch attack was obvious to every one of the screaming Dutch fans inside the Moose bar in Paris, where I watched the match. While all three Russian goals, and many more chances, came from the wings and cut-backs from the touch line, every Dutch possession was the same: bring the ball to the top of the 18-yard box and try to slide a sneaky pass through. The only problem was that the Russians were stacking 6 or 7 defenders at this point of the attack. And van Basten never changed tactics, never instructed his side to, oh I don’t know, use the wings. Robin van Persie spent most of the second half and extra time standing out near the touch line, unmarked and with arms in the air, the only man in orange with any clue of what the Dutch should have been doing. And the ball just kept going in to the top of the box …

One more thing: contrary to what most international footballing nations practice (hello, Brazilian samba girls!), the Russians sent only their fattest, drunkest, ugliest, most-shirtless fans to Basel for the match. The biggest negatives of the Russian victory were the accompanying crowd shots. Really, Russia, these are your only fans? Kournikova doesn’t like football?

Top player: Andrei Arshavin was faster, smarter, and more skilled than any of the Dutch defenders, and he embarrassed them for 120 minutes in what was, with all due respect to the Dutch beating up on France and Italy, the most dominant offensive performance we’ve seen in this tournament (the Russians could have scored twenty goals and all twenty would have been roundly deserved)

Best goal: It was actually the tying mark by Ruud van Nistelrooy that pushed the game to extra time – a perfect slip header off Wes Sneijder’s free kick in the 86th minute. But even the Dutch I watched the game with knew it wasn’t their side’s day. In between full and extra time, the huge Dutchman at the next urinal looked me in the eye (a little weird, right?) and tried to get me to chant “Come on Holland!” with him. At the sink a second later, he admitted, “the Russians are much better tonight. We will lose. Come on Holland!” Hey, at least the Dutch are honest.

In-game beverages consumed: Newcastle brown ale on draft, one of my greatest secret pleasures. I’ve only ever found it in Paris at the Moose bar, so that’s why I keep going back. That, and the nice Canadian bar wenches.

Sunday

Result: Spain 0-0 Italy; Spain wins 4-2 on penalties

What we learned: That a fair, just God in heaven does indeed exist. Italy played for penalties from the opening whistle, Spain idiotically obliged them, and in the end, when anyone who’s ever watched football assumed the Italians would provide a cruel ending to Spain’s tournament (this, after all, being a quarterfinal involving Spain), the Roja came through, scoring four of five pressure-packed penalties. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, he despises catenaccio, and he’s as glad to see the Italians out of the tournament as I am.

The Spanish apparently celebrated last night like they’d won the entire tournament. Sure, overcoming the quarterfinal curse and beating Italy on penalties, on a date (June 22) when they’d bowed out of three previous tournaments on those same penalty kicks, was a cathartic moment. Still, if they play like they did on Sunday (in one of the tournament’s dullest matches) and Russia plays like they did on Saturday (in one of the best), a new “semifinal curse” could very easily be born.

Top player: Not that the Italians had much going on up front, but Carles Puyol was flawless in the Spanish defense. Luca Toni must be almost a foot taller than Puyol, but the Spaniard insured that Toni left this tournament goalless with 120 minutes of near-perfect marking.

Best goal: Er …

In-game beverages consumed: Mi Chemin “vin de table de France” – that phrase usually means bad things around these parts, but this fruit-forward red bottled by the Vidal-Dumoulin family of Cabrerolles is miles from swill.

Tags: Euro 2008

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Posted on Monday, June 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm. Follow comments through the RSS 2.0 feed. Comment or trackback.