The Good Old Hockey Song

By Andrew Braithwaite October 3, 2008 7 Comments

PARIS—Sports and music make strange bedfellows. When they agree to jump in the sack at all, that is.

How strange can it get? Last week, hot-stuff rapper Lil Wayne started blogging about sports for ESPN.com. I should have noticed this, seeing as I spend upwards of 8 hours (equivalent to a 21-overtime hockey playoff game) surfing the Worldwide Leader’s archives.

But embarrassingly, it was actually pointed out to me by a friend of mine, Dave, the music editor at Eye Weekly in Toronto, who emailed me to get my take on the depth of Wayne’s sporting chops for his weekly web-music column, Totally Wired.

(The joke that got away, i.e. the one that came to me after Dave’s deadline: “Seriously, Lil Wayne? Dumping Ben Roethlisberger for Kurt Warner, just because Ben looks like he’s not going to turn it around, is like ditching Rihanna for Queen Latifah because Rihanna threw up on your shoes at the Grammys afterparty.”)

But there’s an even bigger case of music-sports crossover in the news this week, as we approach the NHL’s kick-off weekend: CBC’s search for a new Hockey Night in Canada anthem is into the home stretch.

The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation launched their “anthem challenge” back in June, on the heels of a ham-handed bungling of negotiations with the composer of HNIC’s iconic jingle to renew the broadcaster’s licensing agreement.

Depending on whom you ask, representatives of composer Dolores Claman either set too rich a price for Canada’s second national anthem (reportedly between $2.5 and $3 million for rights in perpetuity), or were low-balled by a budget-crunched CBC (Claman claimed the offer was $850,000). At one point, a “mediator” was even involved. Wow. Either way, Claman’s “duh, duh DUH, DUH duh” soon became the property of CTV, who plan to use the anthem for their TSN, RDS and 2010 Olympic hockey broadcasts.

(Incindetally: the theme was recently re-recorded by the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, and will debut next week on TSN and RDS.)

A veritable Canadian media shit-storm ensued, with pontificators and Joe Sixpacks alike bashing CBC from coast to coast for failing to lock up what many consider a national treasure. And the Joes had a point: after all, it was their money that the CBC, a state-supported broadcaster, was offering to Ms. Claman.

But here’s the ingenious part: now that they’ve allowed the golden goose of the network’s one true cash cow to fly the coop — stop me before I barnyard metaphor again — the CBC is getting its own new anthem, on the cheap! A measly $100,000 will be paid to one of a reported 15,000 Canadians who submitted their new-and-improved draft to the network’s anthem challenge, plus royalties. That’s, what, 1/25th the cost of retaining Claman’s classic? How could the new anthem be more than 25 times worse than the seminal tune that millions of Canadians associate with Saturday nights, with hockey, with the country’s very sense of self?

This week, on his program The Hour, journalist/nose-jewellery-aficionado George Stroumboulopoulos revealed the five semi-finalists — one per day — that will compete for the right to inspire the next generation of Canadian hockey fans. The fifth will be announced tonight, so we haven’t heard them all. But, ignoring the fact that the same mathematicians who constructed the final offer to Claman were placed in charge of deciding how many competitors comprised a “semi-final” — Seriously, five semi-finalists? For a competition designed to attract the interest of sports fans? — the next HNIC anthem will be a sad step down from the original it endeavours to replace. Heck, the winning song probably won’t even be the best track submitted.

How do I know? Because I was a judge.

Yes, the masterminds running our national broadcasting corporation entrusted the duty of choosing Canada’s next hockey anthem to yours truly. Me. Maybe I’m not making myself clear: they consider a guy whose nom-de-plume contains the word “trotter” to be an expert on something. Shocking.

(Of course, it may be that they picked me off of their list of “Canadian journalists who will contribute to sports-related media projects for no pay.” So great, now I’m on that list, too?)

Anyways, I was one of the 50-or-so judges chosen to populate the “panel of experts.” We each reviewed 136 entries that had been short-listed from the 15,000 submissions. We were instructed to rate the potential of each recording to become a memorable HNIC anthem on a scale of one to ten.

It wasn’t too difficult to figure out which tracks worked and which didn’t. You can normally tell within the first 10 to 15 seconds of each song (which ranged in total length from thirty seconds to two minutes) whether you have a winner on your hands — something memorable and exciting, but that will stand the test of time. It has to hook you, and when a track is right, you know.

For me, there were three such tracks in the batch of 136. Three ditties that made me think to myself, “That could be the new anthem for Hockey Night in Canada.” I gave each of these a score of 10.

There were a couple sixes and sevens thrown into the mix — tunes that had something going for them, but that didn’t smack me in the face with their originality and timelessness. Most of the rest of the submissions were non-starters: these started at a baseline of four, and were summarily dropped as low as one for such crimes as evoking “Who Let The Dogs Out?” or openly apeing Claman’s original melody. (Seriously, CBC, did you really want to get your ass sued by this woman? Again?)

I enjoyed the compositions that featured heavy doses of Rush-style guitar riffs (that sound just SCREAMS “hockey night in Canada,” doesn’t it?); subtle echoes of our official national anthem; an east-coast fiddle motif; creative percussion (sticks smacking on the ice was an inspired choice); and the French horn (although it too closely evoked John Williams’s classic Olympic fanfare).

Mostly, it came down to this for me: which one of these tunes could have been the intro music to the most important hockey-related cultural touchstone of my generation? I speak, of course, of EA Sports’ NHL 94 for the Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis. If you were a male born between the years 1970 and 1987, there’s an approximate 83 per cent chance that this video game influenced your life in a significant way. Heck, transcontinental gatherings have been convened between friends for the express purpose of determining the greatest NHL 94 player of all time — trust me on this one.

So of the 136 samples that I judged, a grand total of three of them struck me as clear-cut, deserving replacements for that game’s opening music (the second greatest hockey intro music of all time, followed closely by the musical intro of Blades of Steel).

And wouldn’t you know it? Two of my top three were announced on The Hour as official honourable mentions, part of a five-song group of “close but no cigar” choices. I won’t tell you which two they were, so you’ll have to listen to all five bridesmaids and decide yourself. (I liked that they announced the official honourable mentions, in case the winner and each of the four runners up can’t complete their duties as champion due to injury, death, or conduct unbecoming of the HNIC theme — I’m thinking a shady internet-porn-related incident in the winner’s past?) And having heard the four finalists, I’m not holding my breath that my third dauphin takes the final semi-finalist spot this evening.

It’s not that the final five choices are terrible. They’re just not that special is all. The best of the four is probably the first one announced, on Monday: “Canadian Gold,” by Colin Oberst, an elementary school teacher from Alberta. The rest are just “huh.” For example, “Sticks to the Ice,” by a thirteen-year-old from Toronto, is cute for what it is, but the tune sort of rolls all together, and there’s no real memorable hummable riff. I consulted my notes from the reviewing process and, I kid you not, my actual comments read: “kid from Toronto taped solo piano on tape recorder. Cute. But no.”

It’s a sweet story, the composition by the 13-year-old making the final five. But if I’m being honest, and with no malicious intent towards young Robert Burke, who is a whiz on the keyboard, it does sort of smack of a decision driven by television ratings, to have the underdog kid’s ditty in the top five. Grandmothers everywhere must be rooting for him. If he makes the final two, where Canadians get a chance to vote, Burke’s a shoo-in. I suspect the judges will cut him off before that happens, but I’ve been wrong before. Maybe it is sort of catchy …

And then there’s “Ice Warriors,” a ditty by professional composer Gerry Mosby. It has a decent, memorable hook. But it has also come under angry criticism on the Anthem Challenge’s website and Facebook page by fellow competitors after the discovery, by some diligent sleuths (and angry losers), that Mosby had recording-industry connections to two of the senior judges (including the head judge, Canadian music producer/cocky bozo Bob Rock). Indeed, the whole process of selecting the shortlist has been heavily scrutinized and bashed by many fellow entrants, and the CBC has done little to quell the controversy, offering the limpest of explanations of the judging process and showing very little transparency, even after reports surfaced of the possible conflict-of-interest in Mosby’s case.

“Now with regard to the potential conflicts of interest,” reads a post by sboyd, presumably a CBC spokesperson, on the official competition website, “in the event judges had personal or professional contacts with contestants, they were disclosed and appropriately noted through the selection process.” That seems to me to be an admission that conflicts of interest were present in the judging, no? So glad that the CBC owned up to their mistake! Although it does say very clearly in the rules that “CBC reserves the right to change the structure, process, timing, duration or any other aspect of the Competition at its discretion.” So presumably, they are free to give their $100,000 of Crown money to whoever they choose, right?

So as I mentioned, the two finalists will be named during a special broadcast tomorrow (Saturday) night on CBC, at 9pm EST. Then Canada will have three days to vote for our third national anthem. Of course, the average Canadian may not even have time to vote for the finalist of their choice. Who would spend time voting on something of national importance… when HOCKEY’S BACK?

Sportstrotter’s NHL SEASON PREDICTIONS

Division Winners:

Pittsburgh
Montreal
Carolina
Detroit
Minnesota
Phoenix

Sleepers: Chicago, Phoenix, Carolina, Vancouver (I’m such a homer!)

Overrated: Ottawa, Anaheim, Calgary, Tampa Bay

Hart Trophy: Sidney Crosby
Rocket Richard: Alex Ovechkin
Art Ross: Sidney Crosby
Norris: Brian Campbell
Vezina: Manny Fernandez
Calder: Kyle Turris

Eastern Conference Finals: Pittsburgh over Washington

Western Conference Finals: Minnesota over Chicago

Stanley Cup Finals: Pittsburgh over Minnesota (1991 all over again!)

TagsCBC, HNIC, NHL
Posted in Sportstrotter

The Bironist

Yikes. I’m not sure which one your second was, Andy. The only one of the honourable mentions that stuck for me was Forsyth’s, and agreed that none of the four announced thus far have been especially memorable.

I really can’t believe no one came up with anything catchier. Not a good ad-jingle writer in this country or what? Instead, dreckish mixtures of phaser-pedalled guitar and trumpet fanfare abound. In our defence, this country may have just spawned a new classical genre: the fanfail.

Also can’t believe no one thought to kick theirs off with the classic stick-on-the-ice, stick-on-stick faceoff ritual of pickup hockey everywhere.

As for your season picks, if there’s one thing we can agree on, it’s that Vancouver will spend much of the season asleep. Go Oilers!
Andrew Braithwaite

And yes, when I mentioned the entries that evoked the original theme a little too closely, almost plagiaristically, I was actually remembering … Semi-finalist number 5! “Let the Game Begin” by Christian St. Roch & Jimmy Tanaka.

Honestly, doesn’t the flourish in the intro, the instrumentation, the melodic rhythm, sound a bit familiar? Not a pure rip-off, but like they took the same notes and rhythms from Claman’s original and mixed them up just a little bit? Am I the only one hearing this?

And this is the fifth semi-finalist. I can’t make this stuff up, folks.
http://www.ianborges.com Ian

Ahoy Andrew,

This was an enlightening read and thank you for taking the time to post it. I was curious to know what types of individuals composed the pool of jurors. It’s always interesting to read the opinions from those in critical positions.

By the way, and I hope you don’t take offense to my asking, do you recall hearing ‘Get up and Go!’? if you do, what did you have to say about it?
http://georgelangley.ca George Langley

I think that you are mistaken. The Rules and the Dates & Deadlines pages state that we vote on all FIVE semi-finalists over 3 days starting on the Saturday. This will determine the final 2, on which we then have 1 day to vote. Or has something changed?
Andrew Braithwaite

George, you are absolutely correct. I misunderstood the voting process (I assume it was clarified on the CBC broadcast, which I don’t get here in France).

I also see that you can … download the five semifinal themes to your Bell cellphone as a ringtone! I was wondering what this section of the rules was all about:

“Entrants whose Entries are selected to be among the Semi-Finalists will grant CBC the exclusive right for three years to record and market their Theme to the public by all available means, including CDs, DVDs, and internet websites (iTunes etc.). A portion of net revenue from these sales will be given to minor league hockey. Semi-Finalists will share a portion of net revenue from these sales. The determination and division of net revenue among CBC, minor league hockey, Semi-Finalists and others will be determined by CBC, in its sole discretion.”

Ian, we got no outside info (ie. composers, titles, etc.) related to the songs we heard â€“ it was a completely blind judging process. Well, except for young Mr. Burke’s entry, as he clearly identified himself in the introduction to his recording. I was a little put-off by the CBC allowing that biographical info to be included â€“ who wouldn’t judge a song more positively if they knew it was written and performed by a 13-year-old kid? “Hope you like it,” indeed.
http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/03/the-good-old-hockey-song/ Paul Baroux

Hello Andy (Braithwaite),

I commend you and The WALRUS for being one of first in the media to have spoken out and been openly critical of the CBC in regard to its selection process in the Hockey Anthem Challenge Competition.

I feel that I speak for a good many in Canada’s music community in saying that this competition has been a sham and that the CBC has violated the dignity of many songwriters and composers. As one of the entrants, I believe it’s very important that the truth be revealed to the public about what exactly has taken place.

The problem is, like you said in your piece, the CBC has not been transparent about it’s conducting of the competition and as many of my fellow entrants have also done, I have tried to acquire information from the CBC by several different means and have also done so on numerous occasions but most of my questions have gone unanswered. I have even spoken with Scott Moore and I have also spoken with Jeff Keay, Head of English Language Media Relations but they have been very guarded and have not wanted to reveal anything of substance that might lend credibility to the belief that they didn’t give due and equal consideration to all 15,000 entries. In fact, there is no question in my mind that the CBC’s intention has at times been to be deliberately ambiguous. Like the blog statement of theirs that you had refereed to, posted by “sboyd” on 02/10/2008:

We have read a lot of comments here on the blog and our Facebook page asking about the jury process and potential conflict of interest questions. Hopefully this information will help clarify things.
Each of the approximately 15,000 eligible anthems was rated according to established criteria by five jurors from a pool of approximately 400 jurors. (etc.)

Can anyone say for sure what the CBC means by this last sentence? And this is purportedly to “help clarify things” for we ignorant and stupid songwriters and composers who have been seeking answers to questions about the selection process?

What they would like us to believe by that last statement is this: each of the 15,000 entries was rated by five jurors.

I certainly don’t buy it. Do you?

Howevr, it could also mean this: Each of the 15,000 eligible entries was rated according to criteria established by five (senior) jurors.

Now you know what I mean by there being “deliberately ambiguous”.

One of the critical questions that has gone unanswered is the following: what was the deadline that the CBC set for itself for determining the five semi-finalist entries (so that they would then have time to get the musical themes orchestrated and produced and so on)?

Might you happen to know the answer to that Andy or might you have some information that could possibly help me to narrow down the answer? For instance, might you recall the date when you began to work on the 136 entries?

By the way, another question that comes to mind is this: Am I understanding you correctly in assuming that the 136 entries that you were evaluating were the identical 136 entries that your fellow jurors would have been given and that those represented the top 136 contenders in the overall competition?

Another question I have is this: were you actually with any or all of the other “50-or-so judges” when you were doing the adjudicatiing or were you in France or somewhere else on your own performing that function, presumably like the others?

Also, when you said that Robert Burke had “clearly identified himself in the introduction to his recording”, did you mean specifically by audio only? The reason I ask you this is because, in case you aren’t aware of it, his submission was actually in video form, enabling the public to see him while he did his talking and playing of the piano and it was posted as such on the CBC’s anthem web site. Thus, I wondered if all judging by all the jurors was done on an audio-only basis or would it have included watching submissions that included video?

Lastly Andy, I am not familiar with your abbreviation “&mdash”. Would you please decipher it for me?

On behalf of the many composers and writers who are desperately seeking some answers and ultimately also too, wanting accountability by the CBC, thank you for providing me with whatever information you might be able to provide. — Paul

PS. How are you enjoying France and how’ the rest of your writing coming along? If you would care to give it a listen, here’s the link to my CBC anthem web site. Seeing as the competition is officially over, I can’t imagine that there would be anything wrong with your listening to my entry. http://anthemchallenge.cbc.ca/mediadetail/327177
Robin

I realize this is from years ago, but do you have any ANY idea how I can find out else who was on the panel of experts that judged this? Thanks!

The Good Old Hockey Song

TagsCBC, HNIC, NHL Posted in Sportstrotter

TagsCBC, HNIC, NHL
Posted in Sportstrotter