Comments on: Parenting makes you miserable. Discuss. http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/ Fearless. Thoughtful. Witty. Canadian. And Opinionated. Thu, 18 Mar 2010 09:56:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: This Blog Needs No Name | December | 2008 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-8120 This Blog Needs No Name | December | 2008 Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:50:21 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-8120 [...] You Sure? The Happiness Project: Do your children make you happy? Momaroo: Do Kids Make You Happy? Walrus Magazine: Parenting makes you miserable. Discuss. National Post: Do our kids make us happy? Answer: It depends what you mean by [...] [...] You Sure? The Happiness Project: Do your children make you happy? Momaroo: Do Kids Make You Happy? Walrus Magazine: Parenting makes you miserable. Discuss. National Post: Do our kids make us happy? Answer: It depends what you mean by [...]

]]> By: Hill Rat http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-7671 Hill Rat Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:36:52 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-7671 Ed, One thing I've found about being a Dad is that it goes in cycles. Right now your wife is ultra-pregnant and leaning on you heavily. You see flashes of independence in your son but he can't really do anything for himself. Your situation is tough and getting ready to be further complicated by another child and dealing with older child's fears and jealousy as they relate to the new baby. Shit is tough right now, but what's that old cliche about it being darkest before the dawn? Being a good husband and father is hard and mostly thankless work. Your wife probably gives you no credit for anything you do because rather than comparing you and your efforts to other men, she compares you to herself and that's a battle you can never win. The men you know probably have no sympathy for you either; guys without kids and a wife have no clue and other dads think you're a dope for even trying to reach this mythical level of effort that will somehow make everything run smoothly. Pay no attention to any of those people. I have had many dark days as a father and they have always passed and left me stronger, more patient, more mature, and more confident in the path I have chosen for myself. FWIW, this is how I'm feeling these days: http://hillratdc.blogspot.com/2008/10/dad-talk.html Peace, HR Ed,

One thing I’ve found about being a Dad is that it goes in cycles.

Right now your wife is ultra-pregnant and leaning on you heavily. You see flashes of independence in your son but he can’t really do anything for himself. Your situation is tough and getting ready to be further complicated by another child and dealing with older child’s fears and jealousy as they relate to the new baby. Shit is tough right now, but what’s that old cliche about it being darkest before the dawn?

Being a good husband and father is hard and mostly thankless work. Your wife probably gives you no credit for anything you do because rather than comparing you and your efforts to other men, she compares you to herself and that’s a battle you can never win. The men you know probably have no sympathy for you either; guys without kids and a wife have no clue and other dads think you’re a dope for even trying to reach this mythical level of effort that will somehow make everything run smoothly.

Pay no attention to any of those people. I have had many dark days as a father and they have always passed and left me stronger, more patient, more mature, and more confident in the path I have chosen for myself.

FWIW, this is how I’m feeling these days: http://hillratdc.blogspot.com/2008/10/dad-talk.html

Peace,

HR

]]> By: The Walrus Blogs » The meaning of kids » Act Like A Man http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-7556 The Walrus Blogs » The meaning of kids » Act Like A Man Sun, 26 Oct 2008 04:17:39 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-7556 [...] Thursday, I wrote about happiness and misery as they relate to children, a subject on my mind already because I have a two-year-old son and am expecting another baby any [...] [...] Thursday, I wrote about happiness and misery as they relate to children, a subject on my mind already because I have a two-year-old son and am expecting another baby any [...]

]]> By: TLL http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-7542 TLL Fri, 24 Oct 2008 22:21:39 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-7542 While the raising of children is, I am sure, an enormously challenging and rewarding experience, I think it is unfortunate to think that people view their children as, and believe their children to be their reason for being. This would lead to the more general, though often unreconized belief that human beings exist entirely - or at lease principally - to procreate and populate. Or at least those who have children do. Having a child is something that nearly every person on the planet can do. It is a shame that most people do not strive to achieve success - or 'fulfillment happiness' - in other good pursuits half so vigorously as they pursue child rearing. Perhaps part of the delusion that having children makes us happy is that it involves another person, and we cannot cope with reliance on ourselves and our own fortitude as ways to bring about fulfillment. As social creatures, it is easy for us to fill the vacant parts inside ourselves with other people. And from what I understand, children are the least likely to leave those parts vacant once they are used to fill that hole. While the raising of children is, I am sure, an enormously challenging and rewarding experience, I think it is unfortunate to think that people view their children as, and believe their children to be their reason for being. This would lead to the more general, though often unreconized belief that human beings exist entirely – or at lease principally – to procreate and populate. Or at least those who have children do.
Having a child is something that nearly every person on the planet can do. It is a shame that most people do not strive to achieve success – or ‘fulfillment happiness’ – in other good pursuits half so vigorously as they pursue child rearing.
Perhaps part of the delusion that having children makes us happy is that it involves another person, and we cannot cope with reliance on ourselves and our own fortitude as ways to bring about fulfillment. As social creatures, it is easy for us to fill the vacant parts inside ourselves with other people. And from what I understand, children are the least likely to leave those parts vacant once they are used to fill that hole.

]]> By: Brenda http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-7541 Brenda Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:57:47 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-7541 I had to laugh when I read "the only known symptom of empty-nest syndrome is increased smiling". I think there are stages to life and it's important to remember that you can't have the joy of empty nest if your nest was never full in the first place. I am reminded of a plaque my mother-in-law has hanging at her cottage: All of our guests bring joy. Some by coming, others by going. This can be adapted to reflect my parenting experience: all of our children bring joy both by coming and by going. When you have kids, you are in the stage of life when their arrival brings you joy (or happiness) and when they move out you are in the stage of life when that brings you happiness too. The fact that you are happy to embrace an empty nest in no way diminishes the happiness you had while your children were young and the nest was full. I agree with your conclusion. Thanks! I had to laugh when I read “the only known symptom of empty-nest syndrome is increased smiling”. I think there are stages to life and it’s important to remember that you can’t have the joy of empty nest if your nest was never full in the first place. I am reminded of a plaque my mother-in-law has hanging at her cottage: All of our guests bring joy. Some by coming, others by going. This can be adapted to reflect my parenting experience: all of our children bring joy both by coming and by going. When you have kids, you are in the stage of life when their arrival brings you joy (or happiness) and when they move out you are in the stage of life when that brings you happiness too. The fact that you are happy to embrace an empty nest in no way diminishes the happiness you had while your children were young and the nest was full. I agree with your conclusion. Thanks!

]]> By: Van http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/2008/10/23/parenting-makes-you-miserable-discuss/comment-page-1/#comment-7538 Van Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:45:08 +0000 http://www.walrusmagazine.com/blogs/?p=2455#comment-7538 Wow, what a thoughtful essay. It brought me close to tears. I often think that childless couples who want to have kids are crazy. On the other hand there is no other bond like that between a parent and child, and I wouldn't trade my teenage daughters for anything. Wow, what a thoughtful essay. It brought me close to tears. I often think that childless couples who want to have kids are crazy. On the other hand there is no other bond like that between a parent and child, and I wouldn’t trade my teenage daughters for anything.

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